Who Are You Being?
There are different levels of being.
Your being attracts your life.
To change being is to change one’s life.
Maurice Nicoll
The quality of service is based on one's state of being, not one's skills.
Ultimately, it is who we are that matters more than what we do.
Jacob Needleman
The Task With the Task is who you are being
when you’re doing what you are doing.
Richard Rohr
We are called human beings. Homo Sapiens. Wise humans. The state of our being is the degree to which we manifest our true self. Our being is authentic when we live and act consciously. Too often, most of us are human doings more than human beings.
The first declaration of all wisdom and spiritual traditions is, to wake up (Awaken). There is so much we are unaware of. The second is to develop consciousness, develop being. This introduction identifies areas in your life where waking up and developing consciousness is necessary to develop your being.
Ask yourself:
“If being attracts your life, what are you currently attracting?”
“What no longer satisfies your soul’s longing?”
To develop being is not a self-improvement project. It’s much deeper than that. Self-improvement develops external capabilities that improve our ability to “do” life, typically more effectively and efficiently. Developing being works on our interiority, our foundational elements, the operating system that drives our life.
Most of us haven’t been taught this work. Our culture: religions, schools, institutions, corporations, even our families address little of this, if at all. The loss of this knowledge began a long time ago. In our modern age this loss has accelerated and deepened. Over several centuries the inter-generational transfer of this wisdom has eroded.
We are all living with the results. Crises that go my many names: meaning, identity, masculinity, loneliness, relationship, addiction, violence, suicide, etc.
Whatever “crisis” you are currently wrestling with, please know this: YOU ARE NOT YOUR CRISIS.
You are beloved by your creator, made in the image of the creator, to grow in likeness.
We say: “WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME”
Primary Influences on Being
Fr. Thomas Keating named three instinctual needs or desires that represent our current “emotional programs for happiness”:
The desire for:
Security & Survival — for possessions, safety
Affection & Esteem — for approval, belonging
Power & Control — for influence, dominance
These “programs for happiness” assuage our egos but can’t ultimately satisfy our true selves. They have proven to be a delusion.
The need to satisfy specific desires in each of these categories represents the challenge every man faces. They are core causes of wounds we experience. They can also be a source for our “inner work” to develop being. They can be a ”lens” through which we inspect our lives.
Self-observation is a foundational practice for inner work. This means you observe your thinking, language, emotions and actions. You can also look at your past life through these three “lenses.
How and in what ways has each category of desires most influenced or directed your life, or even dictated your preferences?
The following are specific areas of psycho-spiritual needs your inner work can investigate. Examine them on both a current basis and from your past life, to identify recurring patterns.
Inner Freedom
If spirituality does not support very real growth
in both inner and outer freedom,
it is not authentic spirituality.
Richard Rohr
Our ability to control what happens to us is very limited. How we respond to what happens can be something we control — if we know how. Healthy, mature being experiences a high degree of inner freedom.
What inner freedom do you feel, when external causes activate in you fear and reactivity, anger and annoyance, shame or even a sense of injury?
Behaviors and Actions —
What behaviors and actions are creating difficulties in your life now?
What habits and personality traits are limiting factors in your life?
Can you “see” the source of these as not just external factors outside your control, but also as a result of the state of your inner being?
Emotional Maturity —
How connected are you with your feelings, really?
How do your relationship experiences support that assessment?
When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable? How did it feel?
How You See and Think —
“Seeing. We might say that the whole of life lies in that verb – if not ultimately, at least essentially.”
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
“Most people do not see things as they are because they see things as they are! Which is not to see at all. Their many self-created filters keep them from seeing with any clear vision.”
Richard Rohr
Notice the way you see and think. Notice your biases. Notice your judgmental, critical or binary tendencies (experienced as either/or categories; eg good vs bad, I agree / don’t agree).
You have a physical, “outer life” life in this world, of course.
How do you see your ”inner life”?
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.“
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
How do you tend your inner life?
What might change for you if you could see and think through this lens?
Cultural Influence
Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, “We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.” The current analog is, “we design our systems and institutions, thereafter they design us.” This leaves us mostly unaware of the huge influence culture has on our beliefs, values, identity, prejudices, expectations, decisions — our understanding of “the way it is.”
Culture is the water we swim in. It exerts tremendous but mostly unseen influence on our being. Now that we have named it, perhaps you will begin to see more clearly how culture is impacting your life.
Connection vs Separation —
Perhaps the number one underlying cause of most of our individual and cultural issues stem from the way “we” see everything as separate or disconnected entities. We are “individuals,” separate from others, from the earth, even from our spiritual selves.
To be human is to be in relationship, with everything. What if you thought of this as “separateness without separation?” We are distinct beings, but we are not disconnected from one another or from the larger web of life.
The African term Ubuntu means, “I am because you are; you are because we are.”
How does this align to how you currently see yourself, the world, “reality”?
Relationship With Suffering
Suffering occurs as a condition of being human. Many of us receive suffering as an unfortunate infliction. We externalize causes of suffering. We feel the need to “get through” or “get over” suffering events.
How do you metabolize your suffering?
What suffering have you repressed?
What if your suffering can become your gift to the world?
What pain have you not yet transformed?
Love —
What does love mean to you, what does it look and feel like?
Is love (just) an emotion? Is it any more than a choice?
Reflect on this statement, and get a taste of inner work:
“Conscious love abides beyond all emotional states and polarities in a place where boundaries are diminished and our egoic perceptions dissolve. By living from this deep and ever-present wellspring, we may feel fear and anxiety, but it will not overcome us. Conscious love exposes … and then guides us on the journey of transformation – a journey of out-pouring that comes from an open and relaxed heart”.
Cynthia Bourgeault
Wisdom
Where do you go for wisdom?
What is wisdom for you?
When was the last time you went searching for wisdom?
Throughout history, seeking and accessing wisdom was considered an important aspect of a life well lived. Humanity appears to have forgotten this principle and practice. Inner work is an attempt to remember how to do this.
Wisdom is a way of being—a way of being whole and fully open to a knowing beyond rational thought alone. To see in such a way requires the hard work of keeping all our inner spaces open—mind, heart, and body—all at once. This is at the center of any authentic spirituality, and it does not happen easily or without paying respectful and non-egoic attention to every moment — which I could call prayer.
Richard Rohr
Wisdom is not the gathering of more facts and information. Wisdom is a way of seeing and knowing. It is not about knowing more, but knowing with more of you. Wise people are those who are free to be truly present to what is right in front of them. Presence is pretty much the same as wisdom.
Cynthia Bourgeault
We provide support and resources in three primary categories, for men doing inner work on these aspects of their lives:
Community Learning Practices
For Support For Guidance For Development
If you are open to a conversation to explore how this resonates with you, or might apply in your life right now, let’s talk.
Dave Kraybill, ECC Convener kraybill.1@gmail/com